I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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