3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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