Can i not drive my cunt home
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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