You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
