am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
