i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
As shirtless as possible
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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