I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
