I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Randomize
