I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
