I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
