If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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