Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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