we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
