I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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