thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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