im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
