All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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