No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
