Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
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I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
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I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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