Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
