Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
