hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize