My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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