Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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