So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
