But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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