everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
