Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
