if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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