he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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