i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
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