If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
