Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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