There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Four minutes until I can fart!
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
