Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize