The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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