And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
