Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
