Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Randomize
