Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Randomize
