OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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