there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
