do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
