Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
