Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
