I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
