I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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