I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
