Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
