Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
