I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
