if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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