worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
