my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
