My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
