my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
