If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
accomplished twins. life is a go
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
