do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
