If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Terrible idea I love it
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
