I am in a vortex of obligation.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
bring money and cleavage
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
