Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Randomize
