his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
