college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
