Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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