she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
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I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
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Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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