He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
