i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
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Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
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My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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