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My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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