Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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